Why writers can't have house plants

The harrowing saga of my clueless plant keeping

Welp, I don't know what happened. I never had house plants. I do not have a green thumb. 

My mother, she can look at a random strangers' garden and name every plant and flower there. She could tell you how to care for each one. She could even tell you how to save them when they are dying, how to "split them" and make new ones (more on that later) and she…